mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
