just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
