I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
