i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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