Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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