Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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