My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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