I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
