I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
