There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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