Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
