My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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