If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
