It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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