Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Your penis caused this!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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