At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
