thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We are all done wearing pants today
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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