sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
