Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
