Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
