R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
