That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
