The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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