I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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