I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
