I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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