Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
