i need an iv and a liver transplant
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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