I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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