my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
