my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
this must be what syphilis tastes like
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
