I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
