awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
