He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
