Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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