put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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