You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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