M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
