Pappa wants mamma naked
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
