i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
