my mouth tastes like poor choices
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
