Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Success! We fucked roommates!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
