my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
