I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The power of my boobs compel you
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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