We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
