Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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