He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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