He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
