My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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