my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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