i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
