You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
