As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
